Paul "Q" Mooney

Today would have been the Paul's 46th birthday. He passed away on December 5, 2009 from complications related to cystic fibrosis. I love Paul. We used to chat nearly every day. He used to make me laugh because he would never start a chat session with a "hello" or other greeting. Usually it was something question about the meaning of life or something about sports (hockey and cycling in particular). We had a lot of serious discussions, but also a lot of fun too. We talked a lot about CF and relationships. Sometimes I felt badly because he could tell how difficult Gess's illness was on me and it confirmed the feelings that he had about relationship and CF. I think that he and Gessner were a lot alike. Gessner loved Paul too and had started to chat with him more frequently right before he died. When Paul died I was devastated for myself and also for Gess because he had really opened up to Paul, and then also for the whole CF community because Paul touched so many people.

One thing that I really appreciated about Paul was his honesty and frankness about CF and about life. We talked about death and the realities of the disease. Some of the conversations were pretty heavy, but it was so nice to have a person who I could talk to about that stuff. I don't have anyone else like that in my life. I wish that I had him now because I know that he wouldn't just try to make me feel "okay" about having cancer. He would be honest and open with me when I voiced my fears and the realities of my diagnosis and prognosis. He wouldn't try to force me to find the silver lining. But at the same time, he knew what it meant to fight and to prepare to fight. He would have stood with me in this battle and would have supported me through any of my decisions with no judgment.

Paul was also am amazingly talented writer and musician. I am listening to his music right now and can't help smiling and crying at the same time. While he was preparing for his lung transplant he would send me clips of the songs that he was working on--some serious and some incredibly funny. Music was a great outlet for him. His family had his music recorded after his death. You can listen to his music here and buy his CD here. He also encouraged me to start writing again. When I was younger I wrote a lot, but during college and law school I didn't have time for personal writing, but Paul really pushed me back into it and for that I am very thankful. I will finish my book someday and dedicate it to him and Gessner.

Paul's family has started the Cystic Dreams Fund in his name to help adults with cystic fibrosis. It's a great charity and has already helped provide much needed financial assistance to some adults with CF. I am going to make a donation today in honor of Paul's birthday. If you would like to learn more about the foundation or make a donation, visit the Cystic Dreams Fund's website.

Paul, Q, chum, my friend. I miss you every day. You enriched my life in ways that I cannot adequately express. You left a huge hole in the community when you left. Fly my friend.